Ubisoft give me (subsidised) stuff

So, about 16 years ago, a few months back, I went skiing with Ubisoft, because I had a big coat and nothing much else to do with it. We ended up in a resort called Les Carroz and unlike last time, it actually snowed while I was there. In fact, the first day we were there it was -10°C at the top, and then we got the death fog.

Still, in terms of self-improvement, I did learn how to turn properly on a snowboard, and in terms of self-unimprovement, I learned how much more hurt you can achieve when you go faster. For anybody perusing the values of skiing/snowboarding, I've provided a handy time-management pie chart thusly:

What you'll spend your time doing when you go skiing

If you're wondering just how much pain you're likely to experience, I've again broken it down into a handy pie chart:

It was a really big bruise

This, of course, could come across as a little daunting to the average Joe Salt-of-the-earth, so I can offer these simple tips on avoiding crippling yourself:

Also, try this: take a friend, find the top of a big hill, sit on your board, and ass-shunt forward to start. Remember: hurling abuse makes you go faster. Also, unless you've had a touching farewell with your board at the top of the hill, it's also nice to have something at the bottom to stop it. A wall, small children; they're all good.

And yes, I like pie-charts.


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